


Inhale the New Beginnings

by myfreckledconstellations



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M, Major Illness, Multi, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 09:34:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4258344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfreckledconstellations/pseuds/myfreckledconstellations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this reincarnation au, Jean has been alone for 16 years. No one other than his parents have comeback from his past. And he blames himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inhale the New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:
> 
> This chapter includes implied self-harm and panic attacks.  
> Keep in mind that Jean (the main char in this) has massive depression and anxiety. So it can be expected throughout the chapters that this pattern will re-occur.  
> Meaning that there will be more of this content.
> 
> At this point in time, The month is December.

  I don't know what happened after I died, I didn't stick around to find out. My final moments were terrifying, and I didn't want to see my friends see the same end. When I died I never saw the others who had died before me. I didn't see any ghosts, I didn't see anything. It didn't even feel like I had died. I don't know where I was... but I was lonely. It all happened really fast..but at the same time, very slow.

  All I know is that one day, I was fighting titans, nearly dying, then coming close, then I was dead. The next breath I took, I was the same person, same family, same city, but no titans. No walls, No survey corps, nothing. I didn't remember anything either. I went through a normal school that taught tornado drills instead of titan drills. They didn't even talk about it happening in the past, the only time we got close to learning it was when the news had reported the uncovering of a Titan skeleton ( I don't even know HOW that was possible! ). But we watched it in class, and I had a panic attack. I couldn't breath, I was shaking, I had to leave school for the day. I remembered everything after that. Every place, Every person, Every second. No car ride around town was the same after that.

* * *

 

 _"It's just a grocery store, Jean."_   I think to myself, standing in the snack aisle of the conveniently named grocery store "Wall Sina Plus!". 

 _"It's not a dream."_ This isn't the first time this has happened.

 _"Just grab the groceries and get back to your mom so you two can go home to your safe, secure life. Mom's waiting."_ In fact it's the third time this month I've had this panic attack. 

 _"You're alive so it doesn't matter."_ But what if they aren't.

 _"You're okay. It's OKAY."_ It's not.

 _"It's normal that you haven't seen anyone yet."_ I lie to myself.

I'm only scared because I just turned 16. I'm only scared, because I'm 16, and haven't met anyone yet. That's normal. That's okay. It's okay to be alone. It's not the first time. 

 _"WHY AREN'T THEY HERE YET."_ I can do this.

 _"WHERE IS EVERYONE."_ I can stay calm.

 _"I CAN'T DO THIS AGAIN."_ I can do this. 

 _"THEY HAVE TO BE HERE. I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE."_ I'm alright

 _"THEY HAVE TO BE OKAY, I AM. WHERE ARE THEY?!"_ I'm.. I have control.

I.... I-I can't- 

"Jean-bo? Are you alright?" I heard behind me. I whipped around to see my mom, pushing the cart to the side to hold me close. "Is it another attack?" She's pulling me close to her, wrapping her arms around me and cradling me tight. I nod into her shoulder and fight back a choke of tears, letting out a shaky breath. "Mom, I.... I-I can't..." I begin but she's hushing me.

"You can." she says simply, releasing her grip after a little while and returning to her cart, asking what I want for dinner. 

 

* * *

 That's not the first time it's happened. This isn't the first time I've laid regretfully in my bed, staring at the worn out metal blades on the nightstand. My wrists hurt but I deserve it, why else would I be here? If I didn't deserve it then I would see them, all of them. Near me all the time. If I didn't deserve this then  _he_ wouldn't have died the first time around, and he'd be here right now. I must've done something wrong. I turned around to face the wall, turning my back to the door and snuggling deeper into my comforter. No tears, no guilt, nothing. That's all it ever is anymore. Just, nothing. 

 Of course I'd be better in the morning. At least i can distract myself with my job. 

\-----------------------------------

 

  I was right, the next morning, I was fine. The walk to work was cold, and the snow crunching on the ground underneath my feet kept me distracted from anything else. And here I am now, standing at my register in "Maria Mart", the only other market in town, re-arranging and stocking the cigarettes like I always do. My manager had left for the day, so I was left in charge of the new employee. 

"I heard someone new is moving in this week." One of the regulars, an old woman, says to her friend, "A boy, and his two friends." 

"That's not surprising." the other argued.

"Yes but they're going to the same high-school as my grandson." she replied, "He says they're from the outer district, in Shinganshina, but the father is a call-in doctor, so they move around a lot depending on the resources available."

My eyes widened a bit, "Come to think of it.. You're going to that high-school too, right Jean?" the old woman smiled at me and I looked up to meet her gaze.

"Y-yes," I replied slowly, "In fact, I used to know some friends in Shinganshina.. I wonder if it's the same people." 

The two customers smiled at me, "I wonder too." I smiled in response, tugging down my long sleeves a bit before ringing them up.

"It's been a long time since I've seen them. I doubt they're still there." I added. 

"Who knows?" she replied whimsically, "I hope they stay long, a new family would be nice for this town." 

I smiled in response, and when they left, I gave the new kid his break. The shift felt longer after that. It wasn't surprising to hear a new person moving Trost. The town was much smaller than it was back then, everyone knew each other. I really should be more excited, after all, it would be nice to have Eren and Mikasa and Armin back. And I'd think my mom and Eren's mother would get along well, if I remember what he's told us in the past correctly. But I've learned to not have that much hope in these things. But like the lady said, who knows?

\-------------------------------------

Everything else today was normal, nothing spectacular happened. When my shift was over I went home, my mom made dinner and we sat down at the table and watched the news. 

"Est-ce que as-tu vu la nouvelles aujourd'hui?" _(Have you seen the news today?)_ my mother asked. She's been trying to get me to practice my french again, for when my dad comes home for Christmas.

"Non, pourquoi?" _(No, why?)_ I replied, stuffing a mouthful of Capellini in my mouth. 

"Il parle l'église du brûler." (they said the church burned down.) she said, "Je pense ç'est Arsen." (I think it's Arsen.)

I nodded in response and finished my dinner. "Demain, Je n'ai pas travailler." _(Tomorrow, I don't have work.)_  I informed, putting my dish in the sink and coming back to kiss her on the cheek, "Je vais être ici, donc je vais faire la lessive et vous peux dormir. D'accord?" _(Im going to be here, so I'll do the laundry and you can sleep in. okay?)_

"D'accord. Bonne Nuit." (Okay, goodnight.) She smiled.

"Bonne nuit!" I called as I walked upstairs to my room. 

I changed and plugged my phone in the charger, laying down in bed. The last thought on my mind before I go to sleep is what the ladies from the store said. If it really is them... I don't know what I'd do.

I think I'd just be glad to not be alone anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this chapter was pretty boring, I thought it was important to show how Jean was so depressed, but he normalized it. His relationship with his mother is nice. I think that's important to know.   
> Also my french isn't the best so sorry for any mistakes.  
> BTW this is what the market kind of looks like:  
> http://img.hdwallpaperpc.com/cover/tmp/Cartoon_Comic_5_Centimeters_Per_Second_Store_Anime_Market_84659_1024x768.jpg
> 
> Jeans work uniform is like this:  
> http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iUuPkd0m3vw/UMtUv-cLoII/AAAAAAAAA90/4kqEz_sjdEc/s640/touslesjours+29.jpg  
> his uniform is the one on the left.


End file.
